a small confession i think i'm starting to loose it

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-12-24T23:10:00

2005-12-25T04:25:10Z

PUT AN X FOR ALL THAT APPLY TO YOU

[ ] I think I'm really attractive.
[x] I prefer winter over summer.
[ ] I am a geek.
[ ] I am a shopaholic.
[x] I am reasonably intelligent.
[ ] I am attracted to girls.
[x] I am attracted to boys.
[x] I like British accents.
[ ] I smoke regularly.
[x] I smoke socially.
[x] I drink socially.
[x] I drink regularly.
[ ] I get drunk easily.
[ ] I do "drug(s)".
[ ] I will never date a bad kisser.
[ ] I've lied to avoid kissing them again.
[ ] I brush my hair at least 50 times a night.
[ ] I am religious.
[x] I am not religious but have morals.
[ ] I lie frequently.
[ ] I am impulsive.
[x] I am hardworking.
[x] I loved Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.
[ ] She's All That is one of my favourite movies.
[ ] I am good at History.
[ ] I speak more than two languages.
[x] I enjoy taking pictures.
[ ] I like spending money on myself.
[x] I like spending money on others.
[ ] I have a regular income.
[x]I earn money on a job-by-job basis.
[x] I pay my own bills.
[ ] I rely on my parents for money.
[x] I can cook.
[x] I enjoy cleaning.
[ ] Tidiness is a must in my life.
[ ] I like clutter.
[ ] My idea of good music is Britney Spears.
[ ] I am fashion-conscious.
[ ] I have good taste.
[ ] People tell me I have good taste.
[x] I am told I have yet to fulfill my potential.
[ ] I am good at sports.
[ ] I am good at certain sports.
[x] I couldn't do sports to save my life.
[ ] I am creative.
[x] I am extremely artistically inclined.
[ ] I want to be an artist when I grow up.
[ ] I want to be an engineer when I grow up.
[x] I eat when I'm upset.
[ ] I cannot adapt to change.
[ ] I am interested in politics.
[x] I have shoplifted.
[ ] I download MP3s.
[x] I have done underage drinking.
[ ] I have gone underage clubbing.
[ ] I can dance reasonably well.
[ ] I can dance extremely well.
[ ] I dance like a cardboard gorilla.
[x] I can sing.
[ ] I sing like someone stepped on my foot.
[x] I can swim.
[ ] I enjoy surveys.
[x] I enjoy surveys when I'm bored.
[x] I keep a journal.
[ ] My teachers don't like me.
[x] I enjoy controversy.
[x] I can be a bitch/bastard.
[x] I have a thing for bad boys/girls.
[x] I have tattoos.
[ ] I've been in a nudist colony.
[x] I'm not sure if I want to have children.
[x] I'm not sure if I'll get married.
[] I know who I will marry.
[ ] Someone has a crush on me.
[x] I am interesting.
[x] I am a good liar.
[x] People enjoy talking to me.
[x] I annoy people from time to time.
[x] I am a born leader.
[ ] I am a born leader but shouldn't lead.
[x] I've snuck out of the house.
[ ] I enjoy felching.
[ ] I have a foot fetish.
[ ] I have a shoe fetish
[ ] I watch Sex And The City.
[x] I don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty.
[ ] I want to be J Lo.
[ ] I cut myself.
[x] I have cut myself.
[x] I hate people who pretend to be suicidal.
[x] I hate popular people.
[ ] I think cheerleading is a sport.
[x] I am photogenic.
[x] I live in Chucks. (or vans)
[x] I think graffiti is art.
[ ] I have dated a criminal.
[x] I have been cheated on.
[ ] I have cheated on someone.
[x] I have a temper.
[x] I like playgrounds.
[x] I dance in the rain.
[ ] I am obsessed with Shakespeare.
[ ] I have tanlines.
[ ] My favourite color is pink.
[x] My favourite color is black.
[ ] I would classify myself as emo.
[ ] I am musically inclined.
[x] I like listening to music.
[x] I like music-blasting cars.
[ ] Thongs are comfortable.
[x] I like flip-flops.
[ ] I know what monogamy is...
[ ] ... and I believe in it.
[x] I want to be a social worker when I grow up.
[x] I have sibling[s].
[x] My siblings annoy me
[x] I think South Park is funny.
[x] I prefer Google
[x] I can sit Indian Style
[ ] I own a cat
[ ] I plan on owning more.
[ ] I read a lot.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've let someone cheat off of me on a test.

Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[ ] smoked pot.
[x] kissed someone.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[x]been fired.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[ ] broken a bone
[x] got hit by a car.
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] gone in a mosh pit.
[x] stolen something from your school.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[x] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[ ] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[ ] had your tonsils out.
[x] had a car
[ ] totalled a car

DO YOU ...
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[ ] think you're attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[ ] listen to Hawaiian Music
[ ] listen to underground hip hop
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[x] listen to country.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[ ] listen to techno.
[ ] have hobbies
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[ ] get good grades.
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers
[x to bed..] wear boxers
[ ] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[ ] like the color pink.
[ ] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair
[ ] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[x] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager

ARE YOU ...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] okay.
[ ] Handsome.
[x] bored.
[x] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[ ] Hawaiian.
[ ] Samoan.
[ ] Filipino.
[ ] Korean.
[ ] British.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[x] tall.
[x] realistic.
[ ] sick.
[ ] mad.
[x] lazy.
[x] single
[ ] taken.
[ ] looking.
[x] not looking
[x] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[ ] scared to die
[ ] horny.
[x] tired.
[x] sleepy
[x] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[ ] in your pjs.
[ ] ticklish.
[ ] listening to music.

ONLY cause alysse and heather told me to and they're awesome:

2005-11-13T23:22:58Z

Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. Tag 5 people on your list.

1. taco bell and a movie with your best friend
2. helping a friend
3. drinking until everything is hilarious
4. class being canceled for no good reason!
5. knowing that when school is too much, i can always go home to my friends and my dad and everything will be ok :)

TAG! You're it!:
courtney, kelly, jackie, tricia, bonnie

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-11-06T12:21:00

2005-11-06T18:14:53Z

1. How tall are you?
5'5"

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
nope

3. Do you own a gun?
nope

4. Rehab?
nope

5. Would you "do" someone in their parents bed?
i don't think so. that would be weird

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
oh gross

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
don't care for them

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
milk

9. Do you do pushups?
if pushups means sit on your ass then yes

10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
no sir

11. Are you vegan?
nope

12. Do you like painkillers?
only when i'm in pain

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
it must be my charming personality?

14. Do you own a knife?
i should. that would be awesome

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
only when i'm trying to focus on something

16. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
yep

Name the Last 5 Things You Have Bought:
1) pub food
2) alcohol
3) mixers
4) cloves
5) hair dye

Name Five Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1) chocolate milk
2) water
3) diet pepsi
4) v8 splash
5) whiskey

17. What is in your CD player?
the wicked awesme mix alysse made me cause shes the coolest and she loooooves me!

18. What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
11:15

19. Current Hair?
pony tail. i'll straighten it later

20.Current Worry?
what will come with the events of last night

21. Current Hate?
not having a beverage close at hand

22. Favorite Place To Be?
movies with alysse. yeah rent in like 2 weeks!

23. Least Favorite Place?
right here right now

24. Where Would You Like To Go?
anywhere

25. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
uh... pjs

26. What were you doing 12AM last night?
i was sobering up talking to justin preparing to take care of my drunk roommate

27. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
i'll tell you when it happens

28. Do you burn or tan?
burn then go back to pale white

29. Last thing you ate?
omlete... mmmm

30. If you could be a pirate,
damn straight!!!!

31. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
last night... wait... never mind. thats what i was doing

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
whatever is stuck in my head at the moment

33. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
i didn't believe in monsters. i feared my house would burn down while i was sleeping and no one would wake me up and i'd die

34. What's in your pockets right now?
wallet, keys, chapstick, phone

35. What's on your bedroom walls?
pictures of friends, notes to myself, posters of hot guys

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
anthony sucking jello thru a straw at the chinese buffet last night. i laughed so hard i cried.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
sooo not the best. they were stupid pink sheets to match the stupid pink flowery comforters that kristine wanted. i was not happy with this at all.

38. Do you like your teeth?
well they're the only ones i have... so yeah? but i've been told i have a nice smile so i think i'll keep em. well, until i get old and they fall out.

39. Worst injury you've ever had?
tore up the whole side of my leg on a rock sliding into third base during a game

40. What are your dreams like?
totally random but for some reason... i can relate them to things in real life which scares me a bit

41. How many TV's do you have in your house?
in my dad's apartment? 3 i think. in my dorm room, 1

42. Who is the loudest friend?
mallory

43. what happened to the questions 44 - 47?
i killed them! hahah! ok not really. i have no clue.

48. Who is the silent friend?
kelly!

49. What song do you want played at your wedding?
if i have one... i wanna be there by blessed union of souls

50. What song do you want played at your funeral?
extraordinary girl by green day

hmmm

2005-11-02T17:54:37Z

if you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. it can be anything you want- good or bad. when you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about you.

do it if you love me!
ok fine... do it cause you know me!

bored!!!

2005-10-19T19:25:46Z

FIRSTS
First job: dunkin donuts
First school: eldridge
First funeral: none
First pet: jack the fish
First piercing/tattoo: piercing:ears, tattoo: ankle
First real kiss: freshman year
First enemy: i've had a few...
First big trip: ireland with bonnie!
First concert: ...it was backstreet boys with heather and yomna. and it was a very very long time ago. a very long time.
LASTS
Last car ride: walmart/taco bell con mi roomie
Last library book checked out: books on witchcraft for my paper
Last beverage drank: crappy coffee that tasted like ass
Last food consumed: eggs, bagel
Last phone call: mallory cause she was late for class and needed me to bring her book
Last time brushed teeth: when i woke up at like 7:30
Last CD played: army of freshman rule your life!
Last person talked to: mallory
Last soda drank: diet coke at dinner last night
Last ice cream eaten: chocolate
Last time scolded: hahah when am i not getting in trouble?
Last jewlery worn: all my earings and my ring

PRESENT AND PAST
First thing thought of when u woke up this morning: "shit i'm late"...then 3 seconds later "oh wait no i'm not"
What were you like as a child: carefree
What did you want to be when you grew up: a firefighter. but then i realized that if i ever really got to a building that was fully on fire... fuck that i quit. i'd just stand there and watch it burn with everyone else. and the lady next to me would be like "oh my god!!! my son!! hes screaming in there" and i'd be like "well thats probably cause hes on fire. thats what happens when you're on fire, lady. What are you doing out here you fucking think-for-yourselfer? why didn't you make a map for him or something?"
What do you want to be now: child psychologist
How many boy/girl friends have you had: 2... yeah sad
How many people have you kissed: 4
How family oriented are you: not very
Last thing you thought about before going to sleep last night: that movie wasn't as funny as i thought it was going to be which makes me sad

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...
Saw a movie: uh i don't remember
Told someone you loved him or her: i don't believe in love, but i have said it.
Hugged: courtney
Were sick: the passed few days :(
Smiled: when i talked to alysse yesterday
Bought something: yesterday. i bought chips. i had the dip but i had no chips. so there was no chips'n dip. so i got chips. so now its all good. except for the fact that i ate all the dip, but still have chips. so now i'm right back where i started...
Had a nightmare: 4 nights ago
Did something illegal: all the time? but deffinately last week. hahaha yeah mallory knows what i'm talking about...

DO YOU/HAVE YOU:
Been in love: no
Drank: yes
Smoked: yes
Play an instrument: i kinda know how to play the guitar... or at least i own one and did take lessons. so HA! yeah i got nuthin...
Believe there is life on other planets: yup
Read the newspaper: no clue
Have any gay or lesbian or bi friends?: hellz yeah and i love them like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much
Believe in miracles: yes
Believe in astrology: yes
Collect anything: bottle caps. me and the roomie are rockin that collection.
Wish on stars: yep... still waiting on that one
Like your handwriting: kinda...
Have any bad habits: lots
Been toilet papering: yep
Been to a foreign country: yep
Been in a car accident: yep
Do you believe in love: nope
Do you believe in love at first sight: nope
Do you believe in forgiveness: for the most part
What are some of your favorite pig out foods: love that chips'n dip, ice cream, chocolate, m&m's

FIRSTS
First best friend: liz burns, 6th grade. yeah it took me that long to get one
First car: my taurus!!!!!! love my little green car
First date: lunch and a movie
First break-up: justin
First screen name: nfglpfan
First self purchased album: no clue
What is in your cd player: i have itunes bitches
What color socks are you wearing: none!!!
What color of underwear are you wearing: gray
What's under your bed?: uh lots of stuff
What time did you wake up today: 7:30

FUTURE
Where do you want to go to college: fpc?
What is your career going to be: psychologist
Where are you going to live: not braintree?
How many kids do you want: none
What kind of car(s): jeep wrangler

CURRENT
Current mood: eeeeeh i'm sad but happy but tired but awake and very hungry
Current music: army of freshman.. didn't we have this ? already?
Current taste: crappy coffee
Current hair: auburn and turquoise
Current clothes: jeans and my tech shirt
Current annoyance(s): none
Current longing: dorm with two of the coolest roomies ever!!!
Current desktop: anime pic
Current hate: ehhh...
I may seem: distant
Sometimes I feel: angry, sad, annoyed, pissed off, happy, content...
In the morning I: wake up?
If I could be doing anything right now I would: get in my car and drive far far away
One thing I wish I had is: someone who understands me
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: no comment...

All I need is: some ice cream and a hug!!! haha yay alysse! i couldn't think of anything else...
If an angel flew into my window at night I would: be wicked excited
If a demon crashed into my window I would: laugh at his stupidity and open the window so he could come in and tell me what he was doing in my room
If I could see one person right now it would be: alysse
Something I want but I don't really need is: a taco
Something I need but I don't really want is: a reason to stay here
I live for: the hell of it

yay!!!

2005-10-12T17:50:23Z

awe pammies getting old!!!!

haha i love you hunny!

happy birthday to one of the coolest girlies i know!!!

procrastination again...

2005-10-11T22:43:03Z

ok so i hate college. well at least the part of it when i'm awake... or sober. too much thinking for my taste. constant headaches are not that fun.

so how about that test from friday that i didn't know about? yeah i ended up getting a c-. then he decided not to count it. i was like "f u dude". not cool.

i was told to be a fortune teller because i'm really intune with clairvoyance. so yeah... sweet? i still maintain bill jack is nuts.

the party down at lakeview turned out to be pretty lame. not that fun. mallory and i left like 5 or 6 times cause there was nothing else to do. i saw aaron tho. i haven't seen him since i've been back. well, i have but we haven't gotten to talk. hes a cool kid. interesting.... hmmm.

theeeeeeeen i got to go home and see my peeps! it was so much fun. i missed them all sooo much. and pammie's birthday is tomorrow! yay for being old! haha. you know i love you pammie! and i can't wait til thanksgiving when all my girlies are back together again! oh yay! i've only been gone for a day and i miss them already. i, michelle, miss pam and alysse and heather. like whoa.

and i miss my dad. hes so funny. nothing but non stop joking the whole time. haha apple picking was the best. it was raining and cold but damn did we have a good time. and i even got to see my aunt and uncle that i haven't seen in like 2 years. i don't think my cousins even knew who i was... its all good tho. i didn't know which one was marco and which one was jimmy. not my fault. they grew up. i didn't tell them to. they just did it on their own. hehe. yay family!

so now i'm gonna get back on those papers that i still haven't done yet. uh huh. so yeah...

til next time,
peace out.

yay for today...

2005-10-07T14:59:10Z

first of all... why did everyone and their mother on this campus wake up drunk. yes yes i know i was one of them, but come on people! it was a freakin thursday night. never mind. i just answered my own question.

next, who the hell was gonna tell me that i had a test in research methods today? not cool at all. yeah i woke up and stumbled to class at 8am just to get in there and find out that we had a test on something i knew nothing about. i got a kick out of that one.

then i fell asleep in parapsychology. i was tired and he was boring. not my fault.

and i have 2 papers due on the same day next week. not funny at all. 4-5 pages on witchcraft for american experience and 10-12 pages on dream interpretation in relation to psi, clairvoyance, and precognition. by the way did that last sentence make me sound really smart? hehe i love that!

ok now i have to go to class... again.
yay college!

haha ok and i can't wait to go home this weekend and see all my awesome friends!!!!
i miss them like thiiiiiiiiiis much. hehe i heart heather and pammie and alysse!!!

and the party at lakeview tonight is gonna rock everyones world!!!

peace out kiddies

uh huh

2005-10-04T02:50:00Z

<td align="center">

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

bored...........

2005-09-29T00:24:08Z

10 favorites...
Favorite Color:
black, green
Favorite Food:
turkey and stuffing... mmmm
Favorite Song:
fred astaire, lbc
Favorite Movie:
too many...
Favorite Sport:
sleeping
Favorite Season:
fall
Favorite Day Of the Week:
friday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:
chocolate
Favorite Time of Day:
night time

9 Currents...
Current Mood:
bored, lonely
Current Taste:
chocolate ice cream
Current Clothes:
jeans, black shirt, sneakers
Current Desktop:
anime pic
Current Toenail Color:
no paint
Current Time:
7:50 pm
Current Surroundings:
all the crap in my dorm room?
Current Annoyance(s):
myself
Current Thought:
you don't want to know

8 Firsts...
First Best Friend:
ashley clark
First Kiss:
kyle
First Screen Name:
nfglpfan
First Pet:
jack the fish.
coolest fish ever.
First Piercing:
ears.
i blame my mother for my addiction...
First Crush:
jeeze um... frankie in 2nd grade i think
First CD:
unfortunately i think it was bsb.
First Car:
my taurus. i love my car!!!

7 Lasts.....
Last Cigarette:
saturday
Last Drink:
diet coke
Last Car Ride: road trip to courtney's work today
Last Kiss:
uh... the last time todd stayed over?
Last Movie Seen:
seven
Last Phone Call:
sterling
Last CD Played:
from under the cork tree, fall out boy

6 Have You Evers....
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends:
yep
Have You Ever Broken the Law:
yep
Ever Been Arrested:
almost
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped:
nope
Have You Ever Been on TV:
nope
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know:
yep.

5 Things You Do When You're Bored:
1. listen to music
2. claim i'm gonna do homework
3. i read a book once
4. internet
5. go to class

4 Places You Want To Go To...
1. japan
2. england
3. australia
4. everywhere else

3 People You Can Tell (almost) Anything To...
from home:
1. heather
2. pammie
3. alysse
from school:
1. mallory
2. courtney
3. amanda

2 Choices..
1. Black or White: black
2. Hot or Cold: cold

1 Wish...
there are some things that are not ment to be shared...

feeling like no one gives a shit

2005-09-24T17:38:57Z

i don't get it. when i was home my friends from school missed me like crazy. and i missed them more. and we let each other know it. now i'm at school. and it hurts that my friends from home don't miss me like i miss them. but i feel like they don't miss me. i've talked to heather a bunch of times. i miss her so much. but what about my other friends. all i read about in their journals is how much they miss each other. and i don't wanna get hit with the whole "you don't seem to miss us" crap cause i do. i've just noticed that every time there is a list of people that are missed, my name is never on it. that hurts. i feel left out. i always feel left out in that group. and when someone has a problem, you know who you are, who did they come to. she even said that i was the one that she knew would help. but no one misses me. just because i don't make a list of all the people i wish i could see right now doesn't mean i don't miss them. and they might just feel the same way. but it hurts more when the people that you think are your friends all miss each other and not you. maybe i'm reading a bit to much into this. i don't know. i've just been feeling like shit for the past few days and i know this is one of the biggest reasons.

sorry about this but the thing that set me off was reading pam's entry. as i read it i got so happy. i love that shes so happy right now. i want that happiness for everyone i know. but at the end of the entry, she missed heather and alysse. i just don't see how her entry could fill me up with so much happiness and then bring me back down so quickly. i'm glad that shes happy and its good that shes letting alysse and heather know how she feels but i can't help like feeling that i'm left out. in fact, i felt that way all summer. i just want to know once and for all where i fall in this whole mess. i miss my friends too. i just wish i could be missed the way i miss them.

thats it. i'm done.
sorry.

what the hell else would an alcoholic do on a saturday night?

2005-09-18T22:20:25Z

so.....

yeah the party last night was freakin sweet. turned out to be a long night but it was worth it. we all deserved it. pregamed in my room. i was shitfaced in no time. couldn't find the door. couldn't stand up for that matter. tried to sober up a bit. eventually made it down to lakeview. got drunk again. decided at the beginning of the night that i was going to get hammered and no one was gonna stop me. i think i completed my mission. got to the point where i couldn't really balance. stopped for a bit. i hate how fast i sober up. its just not cool. things stopped spinning so i got another drink. drank to the point of almost getting sick. todd is my hero for being there. i have no clue what would have happened if he hadn't been there for me... sobered up, yet again, and stopped for the night. met a cool kid named nick. he loves movies too. we were talking for ever. good times. courtney is the coolest person in the world for being our dd. i liked not having to sober up to drive everyone home. but she was awesome and carried everyone around and put up with our drunkenness. thumbs up to her. made it back to the room in one piece. mallory had to sleep in the middle of the floor. there was no way in hell i was lifting her into her bunk. so yeah... that was at like 2am. this whole thing started at 8. yep... so i woke up this morning at 10:30. no clue how i did it but i didn't have a hangover at all. i like when that happens.

so fun times were had by all. i think pretty much all of my friends showed up. it was great. mallory, jess, courtney, kelly, jackie, christina, amy, sterling, joe, amanda, todd, justin, keri, barry, cliff... it was just great. pretty much every one got drunk and had a ball. no comment on what happened upstairs int he bedroom. haha oly shit. if you want to know i'll tell you but chances are you don't. all i have to say is i love my friends.

ok so i vote we do it all again next saturday night!! whos with me?

thinking again...

2005-09-13T02:39:10Z

i don't get it. i'm surrounded by the people that love me the most. they're some of the greatest friends i have ever had. so why am i unhappy? i don't get it. i have two great roommates. my classes are awesome. i'm making so many new friends this year. but i'm not happy. i tried being happy. it didn't work. mallory and jess and amanda and courtney are the coolest. i'm finally getting to know christina and amy who are awesome by the way. i should be having the time of my life. this should be my year. but its not. i'm nothing. i don't know where to go from here.

i kind of want to get in my car and drive away but i have no where to go. and i have no money. i'm stuck.

i have to find a job soon. my money is going to start drying up soon. not cool. i'm not going back to the kitchen. i'll die before i go back.

yeah i got nothing good to say...

yay!!!

2005-09-10T22:51:14Z

just climbed the mountain. its still a bitch. but i'm not hurting like i was last year, in fact i'm not really hurting at all. so i guess thats good. and we even made the picture this time!!! sweet deal.

on a funner note, i can't wait to have some fun tonight!!!

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-09-09T19:18:00

2005-09-09T23:18:40Z

my name is michelle

jumping on the bandwagon...

2005-09-08T03:18:41Z

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet galean? doing community service
2.~What would you do if you had never met peambles? life would not be the same
3.~What do you honestly think of bikescene45? wicked cool kid
4.~Would or did mysoulsbleeding and 6waysfromsunday go out? i hope not... but i love them all the same!!!
5.~Have you ever liked emoses234? as a friend, yes.
6.~If improvgirl died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? that i would miss her like nobody's business and i would cry for ever and ever...
7.~Would kaybale and hiimgreggles make a good couple? they don't know eachother...
8.~Describe dejavuoverture in 3 words: funny, tall, and uh... AL!!!
9.~Do you think redheadedhobbit is hot? who doesn't?
10.~Would improvgirl and fragglerock04 make a lovely couple? uh no
11.~What do you think of when you see 6waysfromsunday? dane cook and a hell of a lot of laughter
12.~Tell me something humiliating about hiimgreggles: uh........ thats not nice
13.~Do you know any of stareat_thesky's family members? yes yes i do
14.~What's fragglerock04's favorite color? if i had to guess i would say blue
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is fragglerock04? wouldn't you like to know.... ;-p
16.~What would you do if shellybean920 just professed their undying love for you? be scared...... and weirded out. shes just a friend.
17.~What language does mysoulsbleeding speak? english
18.~Who is joepaquin going out with? a wicked hot girl named amanda
19.~Is fragglerock04 a boy or a girl? girl
20.~Would fragglerock04 and shellybean920 make a good couple? nope sorry
21.~Who do you think searching4sheep would be great with from this list? um... i don't know
22.~When was the last time you talked to redheadedhobbit? forever and a half ago i miss her!!!!!
23.~What is emoses234's favorite band? well now thats just a silly question. dropkick murphys. hell yeah i'm awesome
24.~Does kaybale have any siblings? i dont know
25.~Would you ever date stareat_thesky? um no
26.~Would you ever date dejavuoverture? well i did take him to prom...
27.~Is searching4sheep single? yes
28.~What is fragglerock04's last name? nickelson
29.~What is fragglerock04's middle name? no clue... uh marie?
30~What is bikescene45's fantasy? haha i have no clue
31.~Where does fragglerock04 live? fpc!!!!!!
32.~Would you make out with galean? yeah
33.~Are peambles and stareat_thesky best friends? like i havent heard it all summer...
34.~Does dejavuoverture like fragglerock04? they don't know eachother
35.~How did you meet fragglerock04? former roommie!!!
36.~Is redheadedhobbit older than you? i think so...
37.~Is fragglerock04 the sexiest person alive? ooo la la sexy beast

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-09-07T16:20:00

2005-09-07T20:32:37Z

i'm already tired of waking up early so i'm just not gonna tomorrow. good plan.

going to my roommate's house in a bit. yeah 5 hour road trips.

found out that dane cook is coming to unh and thats just not cool so we're thinking of taking another road trip and crashing it. sweet deal.

i just realized how awesome fall out boy is and i think i fell in love with them.

my psych prof is on crack.

i get to go on field trips this year which is wicked cool.

my roommates are the coolest.

i forgot how much i missed these people.

i'm seeing the same person everywhere i go. its starting to creep me out.

courtney is the fucking coolest person i have ever met in my entire life.

the prof of that class i can't remember the name of was drunk or has very bad balance. i prefer to think shes drunk.

i rediscovered that i can't read.

gas is wicked expensive.

and thats it. hows that for random?

and she back in the game?

2005-09-07T04:27:07Z

so yeah.

courtney told me to start writing in this again. so i guess i am. cause courtney is my friend. and she told me to.

uh huh.

so... hi courtney!!!

ok i'm going to bed.
class at 8am.

yay kinda.

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-29T12:11:00

2005-03-29T17:21:26Z

i have decided to stop writing in lj. i don't know why but i just can't do this any more. its not like i have anything interesting to say anyway. i'm not even going to make a new one to start over like a few of my friends did. there is no point. i doubt anyone really cares about what i have to say anyway. its all about me whining about how much life sucks. not the most interesting topic, i understand that.

i keep saying that when people have problems, they come to me. i want them to keep asking for my help because i love my friends and i want to help them in any way i can. but sometimes its just too much. and all my journal was was me bitching about my problems. the one solving the problems can't have time for her own problems. i'll just overload myself. so i can just go back to the way it used to be. i will help my friends as much as they need me to, but no more about me. i am such a hypocrite. i hate that. i didn't even realize i was doing it.

so i guess thats it. i'm done. sorry guys.

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-26T22:32:00

2005-03-27T03:37:46Z

lots on my mind. i hate thinking. it always results in this damn headache. i was supposed to go out with alysse and pam tonight but i fell asleep. i'm so sorry guys. i just didn't feel good. still don't. i'll make it up to you. bfs in 2 weeks. i will be there. promise.

going to my aunt's house tomorrow then my other aunt's house then leaving for school from there. aren't divorces wonderful. i am the only one of my siblings going to my aunt's house on my father's side. he was so happy when i offered to go with him. my other siblings didn't say anything about it. whatever. it doesn't even matter anymore. school, home, whats the difference. where ever i am, whatever town i am in, when i wake up i am still me and that upsets me. i just want to be someone else. anyone but me. but that just too much to ask.

i should be back at school around 5 or 6 if all goes to plan and i will have eaten easter dinner twice, maybe even three times. i can tell you right now, i will not be feeling to well.

what ever. i'm going to sleep. again.

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	michelle
Birthday:	july 22, 1986
Birthplace:	south shore hospital
Current Location:	right now, braintree wishing i was in ringe
Eye Color:	green
Hair Color:	redish brown?
Height:	5'6"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	irish/italian
The Shoes You Wore Today:	my sneakers
Your Weakness:	having a heart
Your Fears:	commitment
Your Perfect Pizza:	pepperoni and black olive
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	get the money to go back to school next year
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	i'm sorry
Thoughts First Waking Up:	dammit
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes
Your Bedtime:	when i fall asleep
Your Most Missed Memory:	there are a few
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	macdonalds burgers, burger kings fries
Single or Group Dates:	doesn't matter. i don't go on them
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	whatever
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	eww. bad memories
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	yes
Do you Sing:	i like to think i can
Do you Shower Daily:	yes
Have you Been in Love:	i don't believe that exists
Do you want to go to College:	i am in college
Do you want to get Married:	no
Do you belive in yourself:	no
Do you get Motion Sickness:	no
Do you think you are Attractive:	no
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	when we are in public
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes
Do you play an Instrument:	trying
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	yes
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	yes
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	however it will come. don't really care at this point
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	somebody
What country would you most like to Visit:	all of them
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	green
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	doesn't matter
Height:	taller than me
Weight:	more than me
Best Clothing Style:	anything but preppy
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	whatever
Number of Piercings:	8
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	several things
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-21T21:20:00

2005-03-22T02:23:13Z

Who Will Sweep You Off Of Your Feet? by kira_may
Name
Age
Sweeps you off of your feet
How he does it	He spells your name out with flowers
Where He does it	Downtown in front of everyone
You react by	Laughing too loudly
You and he end up	Shagging like bunnies

Quiz created with MemeGen!

omg tricia look look look. does this make your day as much as it did mine? and we get to shag like bunnies!!! if only billy could join us and then you and bunny could come and it would be a big orgy!!! oh its a date!! i'm getting myself all excited!!!

no worries people, its an inside joke...

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-19T22:03:00

2005-03-20T03:04:36Z

i'm home. i'm at my mother's house. i was supposed to stay at my dad's but he left yesterday and we don't know when he’s coming back. thanks a lot.

a lot has happened in the past few days. people made it out to be a bigger deal then it really was. it's not that big of a deal. everyone is ok. the whole thing could have turned out horrible but it didn't. i knew it wouldn't. i wouldn't have gotten in the car if i knew it was dangerous. that’s a lie. i still would have. he is my friend. if he needs me i am there. yeah he could have died. and i would have died with him. but we didn't. it was fine. so everyone needs to just calm the hell down and back off. poor choices were made and now everyone feels like crap. people were worried. i get that. But some people are flipping out way more than they should be. I know people care but it does no good when you take caring too far. It makes things worse. That all it does.

and i didn't mean that i didn't care that you cared. i meant that i didn't care if you wanted a hug. i didn't want a hug. end of story. that’s all that meant. i'm sorry i scared you but you didn't help by yelling at me and blaming me. i didn't do anything wrong so don’t fucking tell me i did. you know i hate being told what to do. but you did it anyway. There was nothing you could do to stop him. There is nothing you could have done to stop me. i knew what i was doing. you didn't have to step in. i had it under control. it’s kind of hard to do anything when someone who was not there is yelling at me. no i couldn’t get out of the car because the car was moving and he didn't have any intention of slowing down. i was totally not prepared to jump either. i did get him to slow down. i did help. i helped a lot. no i did not make the situation worse. i helped. i am just happy he came back and got me. i knew he wouldn't let anything happen to me. i feel bad that i scared you and i feel bad that i made you cry but you had no right to tell me what to do. you know that. and i don't care about mallory more than you. you were right there in front of me. you were talking to me. you saw me. you knew i was alright. she didn't. she was drunk. she had no clue. her world revolves around death. everyone in her life dies on her. i promised her i would never do that to her. i told her i was the one person that wasn't going anywhere. she trusted me. then you told her that. i know what was going on but you yelling at me like that in front of her did not help. she was so relieved to see me when i woke her up when i got back. she cried again. she was scared. i scared her. i know that. but you scared her too. so don't fucking pin this all on me. i took her out to my car to take her back up to campus and we had to stop several times on the way to the car because she couldn't stop crying. that’s because she was still drunk. i finally got her into the car and she was shaking from the cold. i put the heat on and she started crying again. i gave her a hug but she wouldn't stop shaking. i was doing my best to comfort her but i couldn't. do you know why? because i was mad at you. i was so mad at you. i was mad at you for a lot of reasons. it’s not always about you. the world does not revolve around you. not once have i ever said to you "but what about me". i have never said that to you. i know it’s not all about me. it’s never about me. never. yes i vent in this lj but that’s it. if i have a problem, yeah, i talk about it with my friends, but not when it is about them. i pretty much keep to myself. and i know you can think of several occasions when i have come to you and talked to you about things but that isn’t even a fraction of the shit that goes on in my life but you don't know that. don't even tell me otherwise. you know nothing about my life. because i never told you. i never told anyone. but you don't know that. you don't see that. yeah you have problems. well so do i. did you ever think that you aren’t the only one whose world can come crumbling down around them? mine does that to hun. and there is no where for me to run. there is no one to pull me out of the rubble. there is no one there to help me rebuild. and do you know why? because they don't see it fall. i won't let them. i just won't. tony and mallory saw it tho. you made them see it. i broke down in that car. i sat there with mallory. tony got in the back seat and i just wrapped my arms around mallory and started crying. i cried. i fucking cried keri. but you don't know that. now you do. i calmed down. i fucking got over it. that’s what i do. that’s all i can do. i hate when people see me like that. you know that. they saw me like that. i hate myself when i am like that. i took mallory back to the dorm. the whole walk back from the bubble, we had to keep stopping because she kept crying. she was still upset. she was still scared. she was still drunk. there was only one thought going thru my mind at that point. just get mallory to bed and it will all work itself out. that’s all i wanted. that’s all she wanted. she wanted it all to be over. she kept saying it. over and over. but you don't know that. then you were in front of our building. i told you to talk to her tomorrow. i told you to back off. you couldn't make the situation any better than it was at that point. the only thing on her mind was "where is michelle. is she alright." i was there. i had her. i was handling it. all you would have done was upset her again. i had finally calmed her down. finally. you did nothing by repeatedly demanding to talk to her. i told you to talk to her tomorrow but you wouldn't listen. she wasn't completely comprehending what you were saying. if you didn't notice, she kept saying "i have to go to the bathroom.” that’s all she could think of at that point. that’s all that was on her mind. i knew that. you didn’t. that’s why i told you to back off. i knew she wouldn’t understand. she didn’t understand. i'm not stupid. i know what i'm doing. just like i knew what i was doing when i got in that car. i knew. so stop telling me what to do. i know i scared people but all you did was make the situation worse. everyone in that apartment was scared. not just you. everyone was affected. not just you. everyone in that room had something to say. not just you. no one in that room came out yelling at me about all of this. just you. i fucking helped and i don't need you telling me otherwise. i get enough of that shit from other people. i don't need my friends turning on me too.

i am not going to apologize for what i did because i didn't do anything wrong. if i hadn't been there with him, i am not even going to think about what could have happened. and i didn’t say that i didn’t care about you. i said that i didn’t care if i died. i was serious. it would have been unfair for him to go down alone. i would rather he have someone with him. i would prefer to be that someone. that is just how i feel.

as for our friendship, that’s up to you. i made my move. now you make yours. i am not telling you what to do. it’s up to you. if you don't want to, then don't. i am still mad. it’s going to take a while for me to come down from this one. after everything i have told you, you didn't do a single thing to help me out that night. i know you care and that you were worried, but you seriously have to go over your game plan before you bring it out to the field. not every strategy works.

do with this what you would like. i'm done.

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-14T09:38:00

2005-03-14T15:28:23Z

ok. fun little recap of my past few days:

friday: went to classes then worked for 4 hours then got in the car and went home. very productive day. got home around 11:30. had to beat that storm. yes yes that storm. the one that lasted a good half hour. i hate nw england so much. can't wait to move away from here.

saturday: slept til about 9:30. called pammy. we decided to go out to breakfast. got alysse on the phone and she came too. i missed them so much. had my pancakes. i was happy. went to dunks to see toni but she wasn't there. missed her by like 20 minutes. i was rather pissed off. saw my dad. he was so glad to see me. drove my brother to and from work. then went to the show at bhs. it was good. different. funny. bonnie is my hero by the way. you played those roles perfectly and i totally agree you should have hit mike. well, i would have. maybe thats just me. saw some of my friends again. i missed them so much. the one bad part about living away from home, you lose touch with people. bonnie, al, jason, shayna, everyone in the guild i miss you all. went to the cast party with pam, babara and liana. i felt rally out of place. so many new faces. i couldn't keep up. a lot as changed since i left. it makes me sad. i wish i was still a part of it. but i'm not.

sunday: dad took me out to breakfast and continued to tell me how proud he was of me. he is so great. he tried to give me money again. i wouldn't take it. i don't need it. he doesn't get that i can do it on my own. he told me i can stay at his place over break. i will probably take him up on that offer. went back to dunks and got my hours. awesome. best hours ever. so happy. got the full 40 hours. so great. the only bad part is that i have to work really early. like one of the days i go in at 4:30 am. some vacation. but i make lots of money and tips that go towards next year's tuition. good good good.then my mom came home and we met up at my grandparent's house for a bit then i left and got keri and we drove back up to school. it snowed on and off the whole way. worst ride ever. keri fell asleep which was ok. i wanted to sleep too but me being awake is kind of vital to the whole driving process. i just wanted to get off the road as fast as i could. i didn't feel like driving at all. i hit 90 several times and 100 once or twice. just wasn't in the mood. hung around for a bit. then me, mallory, joe, and amanda went to get food and then hit walmart to get hair dye. then amanda started cutting joe's hair in our room and we ordered pub food. mmm. turkey. it took forever to cut joe's hair. he had so much of it. we didn't get to dye our hair last night so we'll do it sometime this week. then joe and amanda left and frank came up. he brought all kinds of fun drinks for us to share. he is no longer aloud to mix drinks. no. i mean, jack and gatorade? what the hell is that? it was gross. drank it anyway but it was gross. but he tried tho. that all that counts. i think. then amanda came to the door and said something was wrong with joe and he had to go to the hospital. the emts were in his room when we got there. he was shaking but he could walk on his own. mallory started crying and i couldn't calm her down. i felt so bad. what good am i in situations like this? i don't flip out. i don't cry. i don't worry my self sick. i tried to comfort mallory but nothing i said was making her feel any better. i felt horrible. i felt like crying. i was worried. i wanted to flip out. but i didn't. i never do. i always remain calm. i hate that. and i couldn't help in any way. yeah i was there. yeah i tried. but i didn't do anything productive. me and keri walked mallory down to lakeview and andrew drove us to the hospital. we were there for literally 10 minutes and we were told that joe was ok. i knew he would be but mallory thought the worst. we went back to campus and mallory went to sit with amanda until joe got back. i tried to stay up but i had a headache and i didn't sleep very much the night before so i just had to sleep. i closed my eyes around 5:20am. i set several alarms. i had to write a paper and do my math homework.

today: still sitting in bed. mallory called our writing professor and left a message telling her what happened and that our papers were not done so we would not make our appointments. i still might be able to. i hope. probably not tho. mallory finally fell asleep. i told her i would wake her up. i got about 4 hours of sleep. thats enough for me. 4 last night. 2 the night before. i'm tired. whatever. no time. i have to do this work.

i have to work today. i don't want to. next week is spring break. makes me happy. not counting work. i hate working. i wish i didn't have to but i know i need the money.

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-08T20:33:00

2005-03-09T02:05:16Z

bored to the tenth power. just got out of work and it sucked. becky had to leave early so there wasn't enough pizza made or dough pulled so i had to do it all. and i didn't get to take my break because i was so backed up. there was just no time. not complaining. just saying. but now its over. i am resting for a bit then getting in the shower. i have yet to clean my side of the room up. but i did my laundry last night so thats better. no clothes all over the place. i give it a week and it will look exactly the same and i will feel bad again. eh. whatever. lots has happened the past few days. i can't even begin to explain myself. i have just been the biggest asshole in the world. i know i use that word a lot when describing myself, but thats really what it sums up to. its a freaking blizzard out there. i wanted to go for a walk later but i might get blown away. the wind is really strong. maybe i'll go out when it dies down a bit. maybe.

You scored as Sleeping Beauty. Your alter ego is Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty! You are beautiful and enchanting, and as sweet as ever.

</td>

Sleeping Beauty

94%

Goofy

81%

Peter Pan

75%

Cinderella

63%

Ariel

50%

The Beast

50%

Donald Duck

38%

Pinocchio

38%

Cruella De Ville

25%

Snow White

19%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Circle 1: Limbo.

</td>

Circle 1: Limbo

92%

Circle 5: The Wrathful and Sullen

83%

Circle 3: The Gluttonous

75%

Circle 7: The Violent

42%

Circle 4: The Prodigal and the Avaricious

42%

Circle 6: Heretics

42%

Circle 8: The Fruadulent

33%

Circle 9: The Treacherous

25%

Circle 2: The Lustful

Which Level of Hell Do You Belong In?
created with QuizFarm.com

and please don't get the wrong idea...

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say?

</td>

Suicide

100%

Dissapear

73%

Bomb

53%

Gunshot

53%

Stabbed

40%

Eaten

33%

Accident

33%

Posion

27%

Drowning

13%

Electric Chair

Disease

Suffocated

Cut Throat

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

foreverunseen13 @ 2005-03-06T19:30:00

2005-03-07T00:56:23Z

so last night was interesting. made some new friends. had a good time. needless to say, i have been curled up in a ball on my bed all day because i feel awful. i didn't even wake up until about 4:30. but it was still fun tho. i'm so glad i didn't have to go to work today. that would have sucked. and tony brough me chips but i was asleep when he came by. thank you tho.

ok i want ramen. good stuff. ah college life. i have had enough of it for this week...

bold = true

I Never Have Been Drunk
I Never Have Smoked Pot
I Never Have Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
I Never Have Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
I Never Crashed A Friend's Car
I Never Have Been To Japan
I Never Rode In A Taxi
I Never Had Anal Sex
I Never Have Been In Love
I Never Have Had Sex In Public
I Never Have Been Dumped
I Never Done Cocaine
I Never Shoplifted
I Never Been In A Fist Fight
I Never Had group intercourse
I Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House
I Never Have Been Tied Up
I Never Pissed On Myself (as an adult, we all did as babies)
I Never Had Sex With A Member Of The Same Sex
I Never Been Arrested
I Never Made Out With A Stranger
I Never Stole Something From My Job
I Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square
I Never Went On A Blind Date
I Never Lied To A Friend
I Never Had A Crush On A Teacher
I Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans
I Never Been To Europe
I Never Skipped School
I Never Slept With A Co-Worker
I Never Cut Myself On Purpose
I Never Had Sex At The Office
I Never Have Been Married
I Never Have Been Divorced
I Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week
I Never Have Posed Nude
I Never Got Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them
I Never Have Killed Anyone
I Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner
I Have Never Thrown Up In A Bar
I Have Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire
I Have Never Eaten Sushi
I Have Never Been Snowboarding
I Have Never Had Sex At A Friend's House While They Were Throwing A Party
I Have Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room
I Have Never Flashed Anyone
I Have Never Hooked Up with a Friend's Sibling
I Have Never PURCHASED Pornography
I have Never Had Sex